Sometimes a person has to suck it up and admit to themselves that they have a problem. An addiction... A habit. They have to look in the mirror, take a deep breath, and confess their evil ways. Not to others, but to themselves. That's the funny thing about habits. Everyone else knows that you have it. You, however, are in constant denial. It rules your life; but yet you really have no say in how this habit effects your life. It goes unnoticed but consumes your time and energy. For some, the habit might be serious in nature, dangerous to your health and overall wellbeing; like smoking or drinking alcohol or using drugs. It could be food. More times than not though it's going to be a seemingly innocent habit, or routine, versus a life ruling addiction that takes up our energy and spends our time; like chewing your finger nails or tapping a pin; flipping your hair, or there is even that pesky throat clearer. The dictionary says that a habit is recurrent; it's often an unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition. A Habit is a relationship...a habit is a relationship....a RELATIONSHIP is a habit.
Relationships are like shoes....
and in this case, they're a habit. As we go through life we surround ourselves with dozens, if not hundreds of different people. We know each of them uniquely. Individually. We are close to a dozen or fewer and distant with countless others. But just like our shoes, we find ourselves going back to the same ones, day after day after day. They feel good to us. They know us well. They are molded and fit us in a way our other shoes (relationships) don't fit us. We have our quirks. They love us and accept our quirks as endearing qualities instead of flaws. My husband believes in 3 pair of shoes. Black, Brown, and BOOTS. I think he has a a pair of tennis shoes too but they aren't his "go-to" shoes. The ones he relies on-Wears most often-keeps by the door--those are his boots, slide them on and go. They're brown and plain but multipurpose. Like a best friend. His last pair of boots were at least 5 years old. He kept them waaayyy past their prime. They were broken down on the inside, the outside, the underside. They had holes in the sole and in the side. For months I heard "I need new boots. I need new boots." Yes, he needed to get new boots but when I asked him why he hadn't gotten new boots his answer made me stop and think. He said: "What if my next pair, isn't like this pair? I don't want to have to break a new pair of boots in. I don't want to spend the time shopping for new boots, when I like these." The problem though is these shoes, his boots, weren't doing what they were designed to do: keep his feet comfortable, dry, and protected. They were doing the opposite of all of those--especially on bad weather days or if he wore them too long.
Relationships are like shoes. They become a habit. Sometimes they are hard to break. We keep going back and back and back, when we know, really know, that it's futile. The outcome is inevitable; we are just postponing it. Not all relationships are meant to last forever and always. It's sad; but true. Real. I believe that God puts people in our lives to mold and shape our personalities. To build character. Teach lessons. Learn lessons. Love more. Believe in Him more. Understand and truly appreciate when we find the "forever and always." That's why we have on-again-off-again-here-today-gone-tomorrow-back-next-week relationships. If you haven't been in one yet, you will. We like certain qualities about a person. Sincerely enjoy spending time with and getting to know them. But, after a while we start to realize that something isn't exactly what it's supposed to be. Whether our values aren't in line or our personalities don't mesh; it's not working now--it's not working EVER. But instead of doing the right thing, the best thing; we do what is comfortable. We fight and make up. Rinse and repeat; rinse and repeat. It's just like my husband's boots. He tried to throw them away. He set them by the trash, he just never took them out. He left them by the trash, he just never took them out. He couldn't part with them. He didn't want to "break-up" but he didn't want to wear them either. He was afraid that the new boots weren't going to be like his old boots. He was concerned about the 'breaking-in' time and not being as comfortable while 'getting to know them'. He feared change. New. Different. The problem was, the new boots would never feel as good as the old ones unless he put them on and did just that, got to know them. Wore them. Had experiences in them. But he had to break the habit of the old boots; because as long as he held onto them; he kept wearing them; there would be NO new experiences in the new boots. He might as well not have new boots at all. His boots were a habit. An addiction. Recurrent. Unconscious. A pattern. Repetitive. A Habit is a relationship...a relationship is sometimes a habit.
How many relationships do we 'set by the trash' but never take it out? We try to quit the habit of the relationship. We argue. Take a break. We KNOW things are not what they should be; it's no longer healthy or productive. Just like a habit, those around us, realize the relationship has lost its luster, it's productivity, it's functionality. They have known for some time that this relationship wasn't going to work. Wasn't working. It's destructive. Burdensome. Tiresome. People can see when we have holes in our shoes...holes in our hearts. The 'season' for the 'shoe' has past. It takes 21 days to establish a habit. 21 days to create a routine. 21 days to start something new.
Relationships are like shoes, & sometimes...
you need a new habit; a new relationship.
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